↑↓ navigate ⏎ open esc close
For Approval

Software Replacement Copy for Review

Every message we would send, written out in full, in a United States version and a United Kingdom version. Nothing sends until you have read this and said yes. There is one decision at the bottom that only Adrian can make.

2
Markets
86%
Of The List Is US
10/10
Spam Score
1
Decision Needed
The Problem
What Went Wrong And What We Changed

The messages that went out named Sequoia, Ideagen and Eco Online. Those are systems used in the United Kingdom, and we checked every one of the 7,451 people on these campaigns: 86 percent are in the United States and 1.4 percent are in the United Kingdom. So most people receiving that email were being asked about software they have never heard of. Adrian was right to stop it.

What we changed

The United States version no longer names any United Kingdom system. It asks about the platforms American customs teams actually file through, or it asks the question without naming anything at all. The United Kingdom version keeps the original names, because for a British forwarder that recognition is the whole point of the message.

Everything else about the offer is unchanged. Build a replacement at no charge, then run it for about half what they pay now.

Worth knowing before you plan around it. There are 105 United Kingdom people on these lists and only 69 we can still contact. That is not enough to run a real United Kingdom campaign. The United Kingdom wording below is ready, but if you want Britain as a proper market it needs a fresh list built for it. Your call, and it is one of the questions at the bottom.
The Decision
The One Thing Only Adrian Can Answer
May we name the systems we are replacing?

This is the question from Monday that is still open, and everything else is ready to go the moment it is answered. Both versions are written below so you can compare them directly rather than imagine them.

Naming them makes the message land harder. Someone who pays for Descartes every month and reads a message asking about Descartes knows instantly it is meant for them. That recognition is what earns the reply.

Not naming them removes any question of how it reads to a software partner, at the cost of a vaguer message that more people will skim past.

One line we have already held. We do not name CargoWise in any message that offers to replace something, because your own standing rule is that CargoWise stays a system we feed rather than one we displace. The named version below uses Descartes and Magaya instead. If you want CargoWise treated differently, say so and we will change it, but we will not assume it.
United States
The Email, US Version

This goes to roughly 86 percent of the people on the list. Two versions run side by side so we can measure which earns more replies. Small wording variations rotate automatically, so no two people receive an identical email. The meaning never changes.

Version 1 · names the systems

Hi [First name],

Are you filing customs entries through Descartes, Magaya or similar?

We build a custom replacement at no charge, then run it for about half what you pay currently.

We have done this for a global freight forwarder working across more than thirty countries.

Worth a quick 15 minutes to see if there is a fit?

Adrian

Version 2 · names no systems, names Pentagon instead

Hi [First name], quick one.

What does [Company] pay each month for the systems your team runs on?

We build a custom replacement at no charge, then run it for about half what you pay currently.

We are doing this for Pentagon Freight Services, part of a global forwarding group.

Worth a quick 15 minutes to see if there is a fit?

Adrian

Follow up · two days later, same thread

[First name], worth a quick look for [Company]?

Adrian

Why the two versions differ in their proof. Your own rule from the 24 August call is that a client name and a replaced product never appear in the same email. So the version that names Descartes uses an unnamed forwarder as proof, and the version that names Pentagon does not name any system. Neither breaks the rule.
United States
The Second Angle, Audit And Safety Software

The same offer aimed at the smaller stack of licences nobody talks about, incident logs, audits, health and safety. This is the angle for manufacturers and importers rather than forwarders.

US version

Hi [First name],

Do you pay for your audit, incident and safety systems?

We build a custom replacement at no charge, then run it for about half the fee.

We are doing this for Pentagon Freight Services, part of a global forwarding group.

Worth a quick 15 minutes to see if there is a fit?

Adrian

United Kingdom
The Email, UK Version

Identical structure, with the system names British firms recognise put back in. Ready to run, though as noted above it currently has 69 contactable people behind it.

Customs filing angle

Hi [First name],

Are you filing customs entries through Sequoia or similar?

We build a custom replacement at no charge, then run it for about half what you pay currently.

We have done this for a global freight forwarder working across more than thirty countries.

Worth a quick 15 minutes to see if there is a fit?

Adrian

Audit and safety angle

Hi [First name],

Are you paying for Ideagen, Eco Online or similar for audits, incidents and safety?

We build a custom replacement at no charge, then run it for about half the fee.

We have done this for a global freight forwarder working across more than thirty countries.

Worth a quick 15 minutes to see if there is a fit?

Adrian

Flytta is gone and stays gone. Jonny flagged on 27 August that Flytta should not be mentioned. It has been removed from every message and does not appear anywhere above.
LinkedIn
The Messages On Your Own Accounts

These go out from Adrian and Jonny personally, so they read as a person rather than a campaign. LinkedIn produced 6 replies from 40 conversations last week against 14 from 8,696 emails, so this channel is worth getting right.

Connection request · both markets, unchanged

Hey [First name], quick one about the software [Company] runs on. Worth connecting?

First message · US, three hours after they accept

Hey [First name], are you filing customs entries through Descartes, Magaya or similar?

I ask because we custom built a replacement for a global freight forwarder, free to build, and came in at about half what they were paying.

Is this something you would be against hearing more about?

First message · UK, three hours after they accept

Hey [First name], are you guys using Sequoia or Ideagen?

I ask because we custom built a replacement for a global freight forwarder, free to build, and came in at about half what they were paying.

Is this something you would be against hearing more about?

Also Fixed
Four Things We Found In The Live Copy

While pulling the messages out to write this page we found four problems already sitting in the campaigns. All four are corrected in everything above.

The Rules
What We Will Not Say
Carried over from the 24 August call, with one addition
  • Never a client name and a replaced product in the same email. One or the other, never both.
  • Never a claim about replacing CargoWise in anything public facing. Our CargoWise message stays about feeding it, not removing it.
  • Never an average cost figure. We ask what they pay, we do not tell them what the market pays.
  • Only relative claims on savings. About half is Adrian's own wording and is the strongest we go.
  • New: never a United Kingdom system name to a United States prospect, and never the reverse. The market decides which version of the message a person receives, and the two lists are kept separate.
Next
What We Need From You
Download PDF